Remember back in school when somehow you learned to remember the spelling of assume by some idiot saying - Don’t assume, you’ll make an ass out of u and me. Assuming things, in general, is one of the worst things to do. It inevitably gets you into a jam one way or another. This applies to when you are on a train talking on your cellphone. If you assume you are the only person in the train car, you will be sad to learn that everyone will know your business. If you assume you are the only person in the train car, you’ll be sad to learn when Ripper is sitting next to you. And most of all, if you assume you are the only person in the train car, you will be VERY sad to learn when Ripper is sitting next to you, without his music and with a keyboard.

So with nothing to do on the train today, a very good friend gave me the idea when I had grumbled something about the person next to me on was on the phone. She said, “Write down every word you hear and try and make it a story”. Brilliant! I will say that it’s very difficult to keep up so I just typed up the main context of one side of the conversation. The other side you ask? Well read below for what I’m assuming to be the other person.

The items in bold is the context of her line. The items not in bold is my interpretation, my assumption, of what the other person said. Viewer discretion is advised (sorry mom). Keep in mind, this isn’t word for word since I was typing and listening on the fly. These are just the highlights.

Right, i went to see him
At what time?
Read the rest of this entry »

Last night I got on the 5:34 NEC out of Newark (yes, it was nearly a 1/2 day). All twosies were filled & the threesies had two or three people in them. I am of a modest size and can fit in a middle seat & do not intend to stand when there are available seats.

There were two modest sized men with their briefcases on the middle seat. I said “excuse me” and when I realized they knew each other and were chatting I said “I can sit on the end.” “Nah, we’ll talk over you” the one guy said with a laugh.

In my wildest dreams, I didn’t think he was serious! But they did. The entire way from Newark to PJ, they chatted over me, loudly. About their kids, wives, jobs.

At one point the Left Guy said “My wife thinks commuting 3 hours a day on the train is a vacation. Ha! She doesn’t know about the annoying people.” I gave him a smirk for that. Buddy, YOU are one!

Now I am reading an engrossing book, so I was able to tune out pretty well. But the disgusting thing was BOTH of these men had FOUL HALITOSIS! Each time they opened their mouths (which was pretty constant–one of them yacking at every minute) this disgusting stench wafted over me. I had my hand over my nose/mouth, but couldn’t hold my breath the whole trip.

So, if you guys recognize yourself in this description, you could get some commuting manners AND see about going to a good dentist.

This AM there was a guy talking fairly loudly on his phone about three seats back from me (or maybe it just sounded loud because the car was very quiet). Suddenly two women who were sitting in front of him got in an argument. I thought it was about the guy, but from what I understood, one woman said something to the other, who was also talking on a phone (very quietly). The phoner, who was Oriental, said something back to the effect of “you’re complaining about me, not him, and just because I’m speaking Mandarin and not English?! You’re just stupid. Stupid.” By the time we got to NY they must have settled their grievance because they wished each other a good day and seemed friendly to each other.

Walking on 52nd and Park today, the crowd was incredible crossing the street. Typical NYC morning rush hour. Woman crossing the street STOPS in front of me with a mob of people behind her. So I step on her heel slightly, and feel bad so I say “Sorry Maam.”

Ma’am doesn’t want to accept the apology. She gives me an evil eye that says “Who the hell are you to talk to me and what is wrong with you?” I think she was the type to pick a fight, but I was in a hurry so made my way off after the Sorry.

Pet peeve: People who feel so entitled not to be bumped in a crowd, even by accident, that they wont’ even accept an Excuse Me or an apology. I mean it’s rude not to say excuse me, or just to plow into people, but when someone apologizes, accept it.

Well we’ve covered just about every other possible form of rudeness, bad customer service, and human frailty, so I’m digging deep here. Normally, I have no problem with people using their laptops on the train. But the other night, the guy across the aisle was typing a letter or report, and for the most part everything was OK, but there were a couple of keys on the keyboard that he’d practically attack when he hit them. So the whole trip you’d hear tap-tap-tap-tap-TAP-tap-TAP-TAP-tap-tap-TAP-TAP. It wasn’t excruciatingly annoying, but it was annoying enough that it would affect my sleep and/or reading. And when he was quiet on the keys for a while, I’d be waiting for the big bomb to drop, so I was in a state of constant anticipation.

So how’s that for being picky?

It was the 7:48 out of Newark Penn Station, this bitch was talking about 50mph into her phone and laughing louder than she was talking. She seemed like a grown up version of that cheerleader yapping on her cell on that T Mobile commercial. How a person can have that much energy to talk and talk after a days work is beyond me.

Where’s the video of this one! HA!

Police: Bus driver tosses complaining rider into traffic

PHILADELPHIA, Pennsylvania (AP) — A transit bus driver grabbed a woman by the hair, knocked her head into a pole, opened the door and tossed her into traffic after she yelled at him for missing her stop, police said.

The 52-year-old woman, who was not identified, suffered a broken shoulder.

Bus driver Mario Edney, 53, was arraigned Thursday on aggravated assault and other charges, said Officer Jillian Russell, a police spokeswoman. He was being held on $2,000 bail.

Edney said he had to skip the woman’s stop Wednesday morning because of a detour, police said.

Transit officials intend to fire Edney, who has been suspended without pay, following a hearing, said Richard Maloney, a spokesman for the Southeastern Pennsylvania Transportation Authority.

Copyright 2006 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.

Find this article at:

http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/02/09/bus.passenger.tossed.ap/index.html

I told off a rider on a bus along Boulevard East in Weehawken, going into Manhattan.

I do feel bad though. I was commuting into the city this morning when a woman got on the bus and sat down. She was pushing her bag on the floor and it got my leg wet and gave my leg a shove. To her credit she apologized.

But then she started in with putting on makeup. Jostling in the seat, making incredible noise as she rummaged through the bag looking for the perfect makeup pencil. SO ANNOYING.

After she was finally done, she started reading her paper. Flipping the sections over and jabbing my side with her elbow with each page turn, with each noisy section flip.

Now my blood is boiling. But I did not want to make a scene. I told myself that upon exiting I would quietly tell her that she was very intrusive and obnoxious to sit next to. I really wanted to leave it at that.

But THEN, Oh my could it get any worse??? She starts to dig into her right pocket for money. I’m feeling her fingers digging into my THIGH, right by my BUTT. I’m telling you, it was an incredible intrusion upon my personal space.

I felt completely disrespected and I just blew up. “CAN’T YOU SIT STILL?????!!!!!”

I really told her off big time, and loudly. She then told me to shut the f up. Naturally, this escalated into where we argued the rest of the way. It was a scene.

I feel bad actually, but I can’t remember the last time I ever experienced anything that bad. I mean, she was totally oblivious to how intrusive and annoying and rude she was.

But she gave me good advice. She said “This is a public bus. Drive in if you don’t like it.”

She’s right. We have no control over these matters. But it just really galled me that she was so invasive, intrusive. The space is so tiny and she completely monopolized it. Her fingers digging into me was practically obscene it was so obnoxious.

And yet, she looked at me like I was, in her words, a “lunatic.”

Maybe, but at least I’m a lunatic with some type of respect for personal boundaries of others.

I do regret the incident though. In the future I won’t confront like that.

We can’t all see things the same way. I saw her behaviour as invasive, intrusive, completely disrespecting.

I don’t believe she saw it that way at all. And so I must apologize.

I don’t feel good that I told her off. I wish I had not been so loud.

If she reads this, I offer my sincerest apologies. But I think we both have learned from the experience.

So Wednesday I get on the 5:10 at Newark. Nothing but middle seats, so I say nicely to a woman on her cell phone, “Excuse me,” and she gets up to let me sit, making face at me in the process because I’ve inconvenienced her. I pull out my book, and as I’m reading I hear that she’s talking about her cell phone. From Newark to New Brunswick, where she got off, the talk was of nothing but cell phones: Verizon, Cingular, headsets, Bluetooth, I had to get this replaced; I had to get that repaired; I’m not happy with this other feature; on and on.

Then it occurred to me that cell phones really are a blessing, because if we didn’t have cell phones, we wouldn’t be able to talk about cell phones on our cell phones while on the train home.

Yesterday I arrived at the train station tingling with excitement and anticipation of all the coming work week might have in store only to be met by the distainful and condescending look from the woman I had asked (politely) to move her bags so I could sit. After grudginly complying with my request she just increased the decibel level on her iPod to the point where trying to sleep was impossible. “No problem, I’m not going to let this ruin the start of my week”, I thought but as we approached Seacaucus there it was, that ever so faint brushing feeling on the top of your head of the newspaper from the passenger seated behind you. This was a first for me, a trifecta of inconsideration in one trip. How would I ever be able to complain again? It would take inconsideration of a nature so grand to top that experience. Well boy howdy this was my lucky day! I had the great displeasure of sharing a bench with Michelle, how do I know it was Michelle you might wonder? Because she proceeded to tell me and everyone else within earshot on one of her dozen or so calls “Hi, It’s Michelle” “Can you hear me?” I now now Michelle has childcare problems, new nanny, mother-in-law, messy kitchen, kids late to swim practice, etc. I’ll be considerate and not publisher her cell number which wasn’t hard to remember after hearing it several times. Poor Michelle it not just at home either, things don’t seem to be going too well at work. Some sort of reorg, Betsy’s leaving, blah, blah, blah, blah f***’in blah.

As the song goes “When will they ever learn”, this is a PUBLIC mode of transportation that is SHARED by tens of thousands. Be kind to those around you or there could be repercussions!